Call me maybe or call me Sybil, my five personalities

Mom Slipper- Personality 1

I work in a  middle management position in a department store, selling luxury merchandise. You sure as hell couldn't tell by my feet.

Good morning! Today I am wearing my Mom shoes and personality. I make breakfast for my kids, or at least throw some Eggo waffles in the toaster. I tend to be a little cranky, don't often brush my hair and pretend it is okay to go grocery shopping without washing my face or brushing my teeth and hair as long as I wear sunglasses and yoga pants.

Weekend Warrior-Personality 2

This is my look when I am acting like I am really getting into shape and going for my 3 mile walk. I usually have miss matched socks, which stems from the mountain of laundry that needs to be folded sitting on my dining room table (or maybe my kitchen, they are both one and the same) . I feel happy, I love the outdoors, I'm a little sweaty but comfortable. I still think it is okay to greet people at the local post office, or fellow dog walkers with un brushed hair and teeth, and I still hide behind sunglasses. I think I look fit and can still go without make-up. When I get back from my walk and look in the mirror a gasp emits from my mouth because I seem surprised to see who is looking back at me, at least until I turn down the dimmer.

Executive with a mission-Personality 3

Ouch, pointy toes and heels. But here is the look I can hide behind the best. No sunglasses needed, I hide behind a black business suit. Jacket buttoned, plain beige shirt beneath and a pencil skirt. All business. My direct eye contact, and strong handshake and big smile only goes on with foundation, eyeliner, lip gloss and my black suit. I've got myself and everyone else fooled. By the way, I had to photo shop out the veins in my feet.

Still Sexy Fashionista- Personality 4

 This is when I think I am still awesome enough to wear 4 inch heels and platforms and I want to show my friends that I know and wear the latest fashion trends. Better than the executive look because the toe is open, it still sucks when I walk because my feet clunk down as if they are not truly attached to my feet.Therefore when I am my "Still Sexy Fashionista" self I try to sit down for the majority of the time. However there was a study done in the UK that women wear high heels as part of evolution, and I guess if you wear high heels, your DNA continues, and if you don't wear high heels, your lineage will come to a screeching halt. I don't wear high heels often, only when I am displaying personality #3, because I believe it will help make me appear more important than I really am. If it fools me, maybe it will fool everyone else.

This is really me-Personality 5

If you could see my hands, you would know that I am holding a cold glass of wine, or vodka lemonade in my kicked back state of mind. Still un-showered, but now with my teeth brushed, I am happiest and whole. Veins and all in my flip flops.  

1200 calories, 132 days in and 65 to go. It's all about numbers.

It was 132 days ago that I stepped on the scales and saw the number 150. It was the day before my 54th birthday,and it wasn't a pretty day. Today the scale reads 145.8lbs, it has been a bad food week. The last scale reading was 142.8. That was the day after an uncomfortable night of discontented intestines, after eating a lump crab cake at the shore. There is an upside to diarrhea, although I really don't recommend it as a weight loss program! Then I followed that up with chocolate cake (2 pieces), at a bon voyage gathering at work for a fellow manager. Pasta,and pizza with my dad and kids...so no surprise that the scale is reading 145.8. Crap!

So today, I feel a little defeated and frustrated with my continual lapse into BEE, and other self sabotage. So I have decided to try advance meal planning. Allocating my food first thing in the morning and counting out the calories and nutrients so I know where I stand. This is easy to do today because I don't need to go to work until noon. Days that I need to get the kids off to school and be there at 8:30...well I'll cross the precipice when I get there.

Here is what breakfast, lunch and a snack look like for today. For a total of 941 calories....

Here is the nutritional grade I get on my calorie counter...

Nutrition Grade

Calorie Distribution  Fat - 27.7%  Pro - 29%  Carb - 43.4%  Alcohol - 0%  Other - 0%

Calories

Consumed: 941 cal
Daily Target: 1,200 cal

So far so good. But there are scary things lurking around the corner, calling me, luring me to cheat, just a nibble...

Like any other addict I have  tough choices to make every day. And every day is a battle to make the right choices. Today I am turning away from the sugar addiction, the chocolate high, and as I enjoy my coffee and breakfast (241 calories), I contemplate my form of exercise for today. Should I try a Barre 3 class, go for my walk with Dunkin, or drive to the gym for a combo of cardio and weights?

My loyal training partner wins today...who could turn down such enthusiasm... 200 calories to burn today and 65 days to go until my daughter's wedding and I am not giving up. 10 pounds to lose.

Easy summer dips

Every few days I try to add in an exercise to my walking routine. Some days are better than others. The other day instead of adding a new exercise I added a major Binge Eating Episode. Usually my BEE happen at night, at home, when I am bored or stressed or angry. Sometimes all three.

This BEE happened during the day as I was wondering what I should write about on my blog. I do research on things like Human Growth Hormone or HGH, I look for role models in fitness (there don't seem to be many), I read articles on woman in business and I EAT.
Here is an example of what I ate...

Honey Wheat Pretzels and Butter

Sometimes shoveling food in my face at an alarming pace, helps me think and keeps my creative juices flowing. It is like an out of body experience, where I see myself in self destructive behavior, but I can't seem to stop the incessant hand to mouth rhythm and blues. These episodes seem to calm an inner struggle I can't identify. But mostly it just makes me feel crappy at the end of my BEE, and depressed. 

So today, instead of having a BEE, I have decided to walk, add an exercise to my routine and commit to not have another BEE, especially while writing about how I am trying desperately to lose another 8 pounds before my daughter's wedding. Which by the way is in two months and twelve days.

Dips, the exercise, not the food, were a favorite of mine, back in my heyday of being an aerobics instructor.

They target the white, mushy crescent rolls on the back of my upper arms. These are really called Triceps, so for the sake of keeping my mind off of food, I will reference my crescent rolls more professionally as Triceps.

Here is what an easy summer dip looks like:

Starting position for easy dips.

Push straight up and complete first easy summer dip!

I am doing three sets 8 easy summer dips today after my walk.  And again in two days, I am committing to my walk, 3 sets of easy summer dips, and three sets of incline push ups. There is no more time for BEE, or excuses, 73 days to go, 8 pounds to lose and a lifetime (ok, so maybe 30 years or so)of self esteem and feeling great!

TMI for BMI

BODY MASS INDEX...or BMI, what the heck does that mean to me?

Body mass index is a calculation that takes your height and weight and is an indicator of body fat, unless you are a body builder or elite athlete, and as you may have noticed, I do not fit into either of those categories.

Here is my BMI...I am considered overweight. I really didn't need to a calculator to tell me that. But it is always a good slap back to reality to have confirmation from some other source.

At 144 pounds and 5'3" here is my BMI calculation:

Here is the BMI calculator...

BMI Calculator Find Your BMI Here Weight:  lbskg Height: 4'5'6'7'0"1"2"3"4"5"6"7"8"9"10"11"12" OR  cmin. Your bmi is 25.5. You are consideredoverweight. bmi calculator

I must confess, as I am writing this post I am consuming a glass of wine, cheese and crackers and carrots.

Here is what all of those calories look like:

Chardonnay:                             120 CALORIES

Cabot Pepper Jack Cheese:         220 CALORIES

Triscuit Crackers:                       120 CALORIES

Carrots:                                     35 CALORIES         

GRAND TOTAL:                          495 CALORIES

Not a bad meal. At least I am hitting several food groups.

As soon as I lose another 4 pounds, I will be considered "normal" for my BMI.

Since it has taken me 4 months to lose 6 pounds, I guess I won't be "normal" until after my daughter's October wedding.  

Tomorrow is another day. I plan on a strong paced 4 mile walk with Dunkin, which will help jump start those next four pounds. So I can be normal...or at least my BMI will be.

Anyone for another glass of wine?

           

Should I or shouldn't I?

Every night I face the same challenge when I come home from work. I am usually burned out, mentally trashed and in somewhat of a zombie state. I put on my best face for the first few minutes I walk in the front door so that as I greet my family they get the impression that I am in a good mood.

But then, as I round the entrance into my kitchen I lose the ability to maintain my attempt at good spirits because I am faced with my second job.

Laundry. It looms large in my house. There are piles, upon piles. Dirty, clean, waiting to be folded, folded. You name it, we got it.

Three men in one house equals a boatload of laundry.

Notice how my son (he shall remain 
un-named, but he knows who he is) changes from one pair of gym shorts, just dropping them where he took them off, as he slides on another pair. Who said girls are the fashionistas?

So the questions remains - should I or shouldn't I?

Laundry or ice cream?

Nutrition Facts

Serving Size  1/2 cup

Amount Per Serving

Calories  150 Calories from Fat  72

% Daily Value*

Total Fat  8.0g 12%

Saturated Fat  5.0g 25%

Trans Fat  0.0g

Cholesterol  15mg 5%

Sodium  40mg 2%

Total Carbohydrates  17.0g 6%

Sugars  17.0g

Protein  2.0g

Vitamin A 4% • Vitamin C 0% Calcium 8% • Iron 0%

* Based on a 2000 calorie diet

I guess I shouldn't but I did!

Clean house or exercise

Some people might think making a simple decision or choosing between cleaning your very messy house or exercising would be easy. But not for me. I hate cleaning therefore I don't clean. My sentiments towards exercise are not quite as strong in either direction, therefore I walk for fitness. It is not painful and can be quite enjoyable based on weather, the amount of time I have and my focus. But I HATE cleaning and my attention to it is minimal and very evident by the fur balls floating around the furniture and the piles of laundry in every room.

Today I choose exercise over cleaning.

With my daughter's wedding looming in front of me and my upper arms wobbling around me, today I choose incline push ups.

Here is where I start...notice the weights underneath me...I have only used them once. Notice the broom behind me....I have only used that once as well.

Here I am in the middle of my push up. I try to hold my gut in and tighten my glutes, keeping my body straight, and not dropping my head. 

Here I am trying to push my self back up to starting position! I did 10 pushups , rested for a few minutes and did 10 more! I repeated rest and 10 push ups 5 times for a total of 50 incline push ups!

I noticed the the top of my shoulders were sore, so I need to remember to lengthen my neck and not tense up my shoulders toward my ears. I feel amazed that I am able to do any push ups at all. What could be next..squats, lunges, bicep curls?

More likely, the broom and laundry will call me, or my husband will wonder what the hell I did all day, as the dust, dirt and laundry continue to grow.

Swinging in Maine

I love the outdoors.

For 18 years my husband and I have gone to Moosehead Lake in Maine to go camping. We started our annual camping pilgrimage as romantic,crazy in love newlyweds. We added dogs,children, family and friends each year we returned. Rain or shine it's always just what I need to detox from the stress of work and real life. 

It amazes me to see how the kids quickly adapt to a daily regimen of bike riding, kyacking, swimming and S'mores, leaving behind their daily fix of computers and video games. Of course with their Iphones, they are still in contact with Facebook, friends and the outside world, but at least not for hours at a time.

I love the wholesome feel of camping. The way we get up with the birds, have campfire coffee, and have fun outdoors all day. I sleep better on the hard floor of our tent, cushioned only by a 1 inch thick mat and a sleeping bag, then I ever do at home. 

My husband has no problem sleeping anywhere,day time, nap time or night time!

With my oldest child about to get married and my middle child entering his senior year in high school, I wonder how much longer it will be a "family" camping trip.

Our close friends joined us this year, and they had a blast too. They are real swingers if you know what I mean!

Inspiration comes from many places. Good or bad what I read on my scale every day impacts my mood, my food intake, and exercise.

This morning as I stepped on the scale, I was greeted with a pleasant surprise of the digital reading of 144.6! It came as a surprise, because a heavy work load, combined with a prom, my son turning 17 and getting his driver's license, along with million odd family details, I haven't really focused much on my weight.

So although the skies were dark, and rainy, I prodded my dog off his comfy spot on the couch, donned a baseball cap and sneakers and wandered out for a morning walk.

Dunkin started out excited to go and ready to take on whatever the weather would bring. Running in circles, yipping and anxious for his collar and leash, we bounded out the door. It was all good. Walking at brisk pace, tail curled tightly, all indicators that he was ready to roll.

Smelling every log, stopping to make his mark at every possible opportunity, we were off. The trees helped to block the rain drops that Tropical Storm Andrea had started to bring up to NJ.

I was feeling so proud of Dunkin's sense of adventure. 

He seemed so ready to continue our 3 mile walk.                                           

But then I felt a slight change in attitude, maybe a cautious pause.

And then I knew it was over, as I looked around and Dunkin was off in the distance. Standing his ground.

Way off in the distance...I ain't going another step.

So we turned back towards home, dried off and  he found his way back to his comfy spot on the couch. Satisfied that he had done his job, putting me through my paces. Sure it was shorter than usual, but better than nothing at all.

Mother of the Bride, Procastination & Trouble Spots

Here is the Aiden Mattox dress we agreed on.

The problem is...
my daughter's wedding is less than five months away.
There is quite a bit to do. My daughter is a take charge type of woman and my primary role in the affair is to do whatever she tell me to do.

That is the perfect role for me. Because I am a procrastinator, someone who works best under pressure. But weddings don't seem to fit into a "last minute- get it done" work style like mine. So it is best for me to be the passive "Yes" girl, during the next five months.

Actually, 137 days until my daughter's big day! So it is time for the mother of the bride to find a dress. This feels very similar to trying on bathing suits in February. Pastie white skin, rolls of flab and arms that look similar to crescent rolls before they are baked.

And here is what it really looks like.

Notice the "Trouble Spots"

But it isn't the dress that looks bad, and it's not me that looks bad, it's my TROUBLE SPOTS that look bad.

I guess I can't procrastinate any longer. 137 days to go and 25 lbs to lose. Wish me luck.

Flowers, Fungus, Fauna

Allium, Ally-up, 
Sometimes when I think all is futile and I don't want to move forward, all it takes is a little color to make the day seem worth while. The spring in New Jersey this year has been similar to both my personality and energy level; bland, chilly and nothing too spectacular.
But finally, the flowers are blooming and the Allium inspired me to get my butt up and out the door for my daily mind leveling walk with the dog.

Usually when I take Dunkin for his morning walk, I find myself looking down, thinking about work, which I already spend plenty of time doing & thinking about. Therefore, the last thing I want to think about is work when I am off. But inspired by the beautiful purple Allium, I tried to stay in the moment of the walk. I am very lucky to live near a nature path, which supplies me with views that transport me out of NJ and into the mountains of Maine.

But for some reason, today all I could focus on was work and fungus! I am not sure of the connection, but I realized fungus thrives in dark, damp conditions. It actually has a beauty all it's own!

So today I too will thrive like my fellow fungi, and blossom like the Allium!

Me and my shadow

Here I stand at 146.6 pounds. The calorie counter says "CONGRATULATIONS! 26 LBS TO GO!"
It might as well say 126 pounds to go, because I have been at this weight for days on end.

I joined a gym...where there motto is  "No Judgement", where everyone is welcome, except what they call Lunkheads. Muscle heads that throw weights around and grunt. It's a good fit for me as far as a gym goes. I can walk in, undetected, find a treadmill, watch one of 15 TVs, with no sound. I like it that way. First of all I don't own a headset, and I find watching the news or vampires or housewives with implants all much more interesting without sound.

I don't go very often, but the fee is about $10.00 per month, so I figure, even if I make it there once a month, it's worth the money. At the gym they don't really offer much instruction. But then again there isn't much to pushing the start button on a treadmill. The machine then asks me all the important questions..weight, speed, incline. It doesn't ask me how am I feeling today, or do I have any injuries, or high blood pressure. I like it that way. No intrusions and impersonal.

Truth be told, a quarter of a century ago, I was an aerobic instructor. I jumped and stepped and taught sculpting for ten fabulous years. It was probably the best job I ever had and certainly the most fun. Jane Fonda had a workout video which you can and should watch for some giggles at the 80's attire & hair! Now I'm in the same rut as everyone else. Working, eating on the run and not exercising.

But today is the day I start again. Entering my calories consumed, entering my activity and calories burned. I am going to feed my body and soul the nutrients it needs to go for the gold. Here is the start to my day. 

Apples, strawberries and banana. Yummy!

And here is the technical stuff.....I am off to a good start!

Logged Foods for May 04, 2013

Breakfast	Cal (kcal)	Carb (g)	Pro (g)	Fat (g)	SFat (g)	Chol (mg)	Sod (mg)	Fib (g)	Sug (g)	VitA (IU)	VitC (mg)	Calc (mg)	Iron (mg)	Ptsm (mg)
Gala Apple 76 grams	40	10.9	0	0	*	*	*	2.5	8.4	1	10	1	1	*
Peanut Butter, Smooth Style - With Salt 16 grams	94	3.1	4	8.1	1.7	0	73	1	1.5	0	0	6.9	0.3	104
Coffee - Black 1 Mug	2	0	0.4	0	*	*	5	0	*	*	*	*	*	*
Strawberries 50.2 grams	17.1	3.8	0.3	0	0	0	0	0.7	2.7	0	33	6.8	0.1	58
Bananas 41.3 grams	37	9.4	0.5	0.1	0.1	0	0.4	1.1	5.1	26	3.6	2.1	0.1	148
English Muffin - Original 28.4 grams	60	12.5	2	0.5	0	0	100	0.5	0.5	0	0	40	0.7	*
Meal Totals	250 21%	40 26%	7.2 12%	8.7 22%	1.8 14%	0 0%	179 14%	5.8 28%	18.2 61%	27 1%	46 62%	57 5%	2.2 28%	310 7%